Rage and Hope
Gary and I met for coffee in town to discuss the numerous text messages coming to us from our team in Nsoko…each one more serious than the one before. I had already been feeling heavy for a few days, and finally just cried, HARD. The abuse, disease, abandonment, and poverty these precious children face everyday, is just too much. After an hour or so of venting, praying, and weeping I pulled myself together. Gary kissed me on the forehead and left in our car, I started walking towards the gym, hoping a good run would clear my mind.
Through my puffy eyes a saw a small boy approach me, he was exactly the size of our Noah. He had no shoes, no shirt and torn shorts. In the sweetest little voice I have ever heard he whispered something to me. I bent down to him so I could hear him. “Please Make (pronounced Ma-gay, meaning “Mother”); I want you to give me some money, please”. I started to ask him questions about where his family was, and if he was alone.
It was my intention to buy him food and sit with him. When I failed to reach into my purse to give him money he glanced over his shoulder, to a man sitting about 15 feet behind him. I locked eyes with the man, and the little boy was gone. I knew that the child had been sent to me for money, and his man would be the one to collect it from him. The look I received from him was one I can only describe as intimidation and lust. Only I was not intimidated at all. I glared right back at him and marched past him as close as I could, willing him in my anger, “please say something to me buddy, please try to touch me”…..I dare you! He was every bit of 6 ‘1 and 220, but I was, and am still sure I would have left more damage on him than he would have on me. Rage is a powerful emotion, it can produce superhuman strength.
He wisely did not take the bait, so I ran 10 miles, and cried the whole time, taking my rage out on the treadmill. The sad little TV in our smelly and sweltering little gym flashed images from Hollywood in my face, as my I-pod pumped worship music in my ears. I wish I cared if Branglina was pregnant again, I wish I cared about the award shows, and what the stars are wearing. I don’t, and I never will. I will never see life the same way. Nor will be able to get lost in a Mega-church and fool myself that it is impacting the culture, or discipling my children, never again.
I do not know what life in America will be like for me when I go back; I only know that if I did not believe in eternity, I would get swallowed up in all this pain. But I do believe, I believe one day all these little ones will spend eternity with Jesus, whole, healed, complete…..forever, I will keep believing, and until that day I will keep fighting for them. No matter what the cost.
I believe with you sis! Hang in there. We are praying for the entire tribe and missing you big time. The kingdom is advancing in Swazi because you guys are there.
Lisa – I can see the scene . You`re still my heroine ! No doubt, you and yours are wrecked for ever. xo A.
Powerfuly Lisa, brought tears to my eyes. I saw what happened to your boys when they shot you with the airsoft gun :-). Love you all a ton and am fighting with you. See you soon.
Lisa,
Your heart will be changed forever and so will ours, as a result of “reading” your heart through the blogs. Our life challenges diminish by comparison and make us further aware of God’s grace and provision. Thanks for being our hands, feet, eyes, ears and mouth, imparting love and life to His forgotten children.
let’s hear it for rage, self-control, running 10 miles, and never caring about Bradgelina. i absolutely love it.
The sorrow of worldly injustice jumps off the pages of what you have written…but so does your faith and your focus on what really matters! Blessings and Peace..You are making a difference!
the “queen mum” on the war path. whew! does the devil have no discernment? he’s messing with the wrong chick. xo
Lisa honey, I actually held my breath as I read your story. So sad, but God gave you a boldness that was truth, coming from you. His Truth, his Protection, his Grace. We pray in Jesus name, “save that little boy through your truth, let him and others see your light that shines before man. Thank you in Jesus name.” Mommy Black
Thank God for honkin’ angels! Yours must be exhausted! Love you and are too proud for words!
Lisa, your stories always bring tears and so much hope! You are so amazing and Im so happy to have the opportunity to continue following your life in swaziland. Love you!
Dear Lisa-
I can so relate. Since getting back from Swaziland I’ve fluctuated between anger, joy, frustration, grief, and guilt….also a big dose of discontent. I’ve always been a happy go lucky person. My husband says I’m the most content person he’s ever met. I don’t feel very content right now. As you said, so much of what’s around me just doesn’t matter anymore. I want to know that I’m doing all that God wants me to do. And so much of what is going on around me now seems either selfish and materialistic or just plain “busywork”.
I’m praying for you, your family, and all those in Swaziland who are pouring their lives out for “the least of these”.
Give everyone there my greetings. Anna, Betsie, and I miss Swaziland and those we came to treasure there.
Elysa MacLellan
Lisa-Just wanted you to know that I’ve shared your story at my blog. More need to know.
Praying for you,
Elysa
You are beautiful Lisa, and not only on the outside. I love your strength and your weakness. I still would love to spend some time there with all of you. I’m just waiting to see what surprise the Lord has for me next.