Very soon, Gary and I will travel to Kenya to debrief our large and fabulous Squad of World Racers. We will then fly down to Swaziland to join Seth and Karen Barnes for a vision trip…I am counting the days until we can love-on our team, teach them, encourage them and breathe life into their weary souls. I can’t wait to see Pastor Gift and his family in Nsoko, or see my little sister Kriek Gerber and giggle with her, like only sisters can. I am craving a huge bear hug from my brother and hero, Jumbo Gerber. I am looking forward to our time with Seth and Karen; they are dear friends and amazing people.
To be completely honest, our time since we have returned from Swaziland nine months ago has been one of our most difficult seasons as a family. Mind you our Tribe has faced death, divorce, harassment, loss, and devastation in our nine years together….
Dare I say moving home to the most amazing country in the world from one of the most devastated countries in the world, has nearly killed me? That does not make much sense now, does it? Our parents live here, and we are very close to them and love them deeply, we also love Colorado and call it “home”….so what is the deal?
One difficult thing has been the judgment that shocked and hurt us deeply upon our return. We all have found we just don’t fit in anymore. We feel like outsiders, regardless of what people do, or don’t do. When we left for Swaziland our kids were young, and our teenagers where still dependant on us for everything. In Swaziland we had dinner, breakfast, and many times even lunch together as a family. Now, everyone is working, playing sports or just running. Friends and activities have taken precedence over family time. We got sucked back into the whirlwind of America in 15 seconds flat. The spiritual funk that covers this great country covered our minds and blinded our eyes in no time at all…
Attending Church is another conflict we have dealt with. Worshiping with passionate believers that are desperate and hungry for the power and presence of God is a vast contrast to most of our local mega churches. We have a hard time sitting still and listening to ear tickling messages, flashing lights, disco balls and entertainment.
Despite the war, our family is still very close, if not closer because we are all in this together. We gather in our home several times a week with other “messy” believers who crave relationship over religion, and most of the people that fill our home are broken in the same way we are. Most of them, like us, just want Kingdom, but feel a little lost, and sometimes confused as to what that looks like in America.
No, I do not think the grass is greener, I just know this Tribe is different now; we have been changed and will never be the same….. I think that is what is supposed to happen when you breathe the stench of death into your lungs, when you hold the forgotten in your arms. You realize how helpless you really are, and cry out for Mercy from the Throne of Grace to save those who can’t save themselves…..no, I guess I wouldn’t change a thing, after all…
hey mama! love you so much. thanks for sharing your heart for all of us. oh do i miss you.
What a great blog!! I can totally understand how you feel! I felt the same what upon my return from the WR after 11 months with the widows and orphans!! It is strange though that once coming back home we can get back into the craziness of life in 15 seconds flat! The same thing happened to me! The good part is you are going through it as a tribe! 🙂 God is good!
ps – please tell michael to get a hair cut…. it’s out of control!!! 🙂
We love all of you Lisa. Our hearts and door are always open. We would love to storm the gates of hell with you sometime.
xoxoxoxo
The Smith Tribe
“i wouldn’t change a thing”
i repeat those very words to myself almost daily. every hard day, every confusion, every wrestling match, every delayed blessing is worth every second spent with the babies in the dirt, on a bus, in some tiny church in the middle of the jungle, broken & healed…
love you & love the tribe. miss you all
Thanks for always being transparent and putting to words what others can’t. Thanks for leading by example and not being afraid to show your heart, no matter what season it is in.
LOVE THIS!!!
Love your heart. LOVE YOU! You always have life-giving words. It does hurt, but I’m thankful for the pain too. The fact that we can feel it just means we’re fully alive inside.
xoxo!
thanks for reminding us that it’s ok to be messy ….. and for the honesty.
we do love and appreciate you and the tribe. give everyone my love.
Thank God they ate the apple! We can change our diet and our geography, but HE never changes. God is still sovereign and continues to do a work in us, regardless of what the circumstances indicate. Your unwavering faith is an inspiration to us all!
Hi Lisa,
I totally “get” what you are saying. How is it that life be so HARD when we have it easy living in beautiful Colorado Springs? Even though I have never lived in another 3rd world country, I, like you crave the simply life where you have time to breath, pray, spend a lot of time with the Lord and just serve others who have so many needs. Living in our culture, there just aren’t enough hours in the day to balance it all and serve in Kingdom. Crazy and exhausting living in the land of abundance and it really is a war! My heart aches for those still quite moments. Thank you for your inspiration and your love and heart to serve the Lord.
Your picture is a thing of beauty!! I will be praying for you while you are on your travels and that your spiritual battery will be fully charged!
I can’t wait to hear about the trip!
Much love
Tammy
I love you!
when will you be in swazi, cuz we’re flying in on the 27th of Jan. Would love to see you!!! xoxo
Im glad Im a part of Your “MESSED UP TRIBE!” I don’t think I would want anything else. Looking forward to seeing you and getting to chat! 🙂
Love from Your SPIRITUAL DAUGHTER!
We miss you guys over here and we think of you regularly. I am sorry that it hurts, but I also know that you are one of the strongest women alive. Greetings to the fam and can not wait to see you guys also.
Thank you for sharing these words. I can so relate to them right now. I just returned “home” to the U.S. after a 5 month mission trip in Swaziland. I am now preparing to go back for 2 years. It is an adjustment. God is in control and He is at work both here and all over the world. May God use you, me, and many others to share His heart for the orphans, widows, and those suffering from AIDS. May God richly bless you and your family!
I hear you, I definitely hear you and totally understand.
BTW, when you think about it, will you please pray that God will open the way for me and my sweet husband to go TOGETHER to Swaziland this year? I need him to be as wrecked as I am as we travel this path together.
Thanks and with love,
Elysa Mac