Love you Michael….
16 years ago today a beautiful blue eyed, blonde haired angel was sent to this earth, and I was totally unaware. Michael was not born to me, in fact he was about four years old the first time I saw him and he made quite and impression. I was walking out of a bible study class on a Tuesday morning and I was nearly plowed over by a flash of a yellow t-shirt and bright blonde hair. In an effort in avoid knocking me over at the last second, I watched in amazement as this child defied gravity, it was like a scene from Matrix. To this day I am not sure how he did it, but he was side ways on the wall, feet off the ground, and laughing the whole time, as if time stood still for him, and gravity was not real in his world.Fast forward 2 years, and I was becoming the step-mother to that little blonde boy with “super-powers”. When we first began to blend my “all girl” family with Gary Blacks “all boy” family it was surprisingly a BLAST. We brought the balance to each others tribe that we desperately needed. The “chick family” needed some protection and fun, and the “fella family” needed some stabitily and calmness in their lives. We all got along brilliantly, and despite the outside attacks against us, and the people that wanted to destroy us; the seven of us just got closer and tighter all the time.
Every weekend when we were becoming a family we would load up all the kids, the tents, and the boat, head up to the mountains just to have some fun and get away from the madnes and the craziness. One particular weekend in a small western town, Michael was set on buying this wooden gun. He worked and saved…and he was so excited when we drove to the same shop the next weekend to buy his desired gun. We took all the kids to a near by park to play and let Michael shoot the rubber bands from his gun into the air (and not at his siblings). Gary and I walked hand in hand and stumbled upon a fabulous tiny white historic Church, and went to get a closer look. Knowing I love history, Gary pretended to be interested as I read the placard aloud, “Historical monument, over 150 years old, protected and preserved by the historical society of…’ BAM, BAM, BAM! What the????…..Gary and I both started running to the sound of wood, hitting wood with great force….I could see Michael…but my legs felt like they were stuck in mud and I could not move them fast enough. There was nothing sweet or angelic on Michaels face; his eyes were somehow not even blue, but dark. He had more physical strength than he should have been able to possess in his little body as he was slamming the end of his new gun into the fragile aged wood of the beautiful church. Hitting it, over and over, with everything he had, destroying them both, the look on his face was one of absence, as if in a trance. I was horrified, on every level. When I saw Gary s face I was even more horrified…. “Go sit in the car”….Gary said with a stern “dad” voice and took the gun from Michael. No longer was Michael in any trance, but snapped quickly back into a dire reality. He was fully awake now, and fully aware of the consequences.
Only quiet sad sounds came from the inside of the car, as we drove back to the cabin. Little whimpers and tears streamed down Michaels face, his little head hanging low, dreading the spanking to come. There was Gary’s heavy breathing, anger mixed with disappointment. Tyler, Alexis, and Emily were staring out the window, afraid to say anything; sad for Michael, and always a little relieved they were not in trouble them selves….even baby Caleb didn’t make a sound….and that was a miracle in itself, since he had at least 4 times the amount of words to use in a day for an average 3 year old.
I was quiet as well, taking it all in, and I was praying. And feeling very heavy. It did not take long for me to hear the voice, the whisper, the One I have known since I was a child. I prayed, “Lord, there has to be punishment for this, Michael is out of control, he has to understand that he has to control him self no matter how he feels, we can’t let him keep acting like this, especially as an example to the other kids, but God, I cant let Gary spank him….Look at him God…Look at him, my baby boy is hurting…..what do I do Lord…..”
Many times in my life those prayers have been met with silence, but this answer came instantly, ” You are right Lisa, someone has to pay for what was done, but NOT Michael”…and I knew……
When we got back to the cabin Gary called all five little ones into the bedroom, (all our kids were 8 years old and under at the time) and asked them to sit on the bed. Gary explained the salvation story about how Jesus Christ had not committed any sin in his life, but someone had to pay for all the sins we had committed as his children. It was a sacrifice of love that Jesus gave him self for us to die on the cross and take our sins, paying the price for what we had done and setting us free. The eyes of our little ones were larger than normal, and Gary continued…”Mommy feels like 
the Lord has told her that Michael has sinned, and he knows that what he did was wrong, but Mommy wants to take Michaels sin for him this time.” Michaels jaw, literally dropped open, and with that Gary took his belt off and proceeded to hit me with it, not once, but three times….I fell to my knees with the pain off it. I am certain that Gary laid it on extra thick for the dramatic effect, but the pain was intense. Gary and the other kids left the room, and Michael and I sat in silence for a moment…..”Why did you do that for me?” His watery blue eyes asked looking up at me. “Because I love you more than I love me“….and with that his little arms wrapped around my neck, and we held each other and cried for what seemed like hours. After that day, Michael was different, he was still wild, like little boys should be, he was still full of energy and life…but so much of the hurt and the anger evaporated that day, we were both healed as God molded our hearts together in our tears. there was a trust and a bond that grew between us that day that nothing could ever destroy, no one could every take away. When God molds hearts together, blood or distance does not matter. Ten years later Michael continues to be one of the greatest joys of my life. Every morning when we are getting our coffee, and he hands me the creamer, he puts his arms around me, and tells me he loves me, he is so tall now, my head rests exactly where his heart is. He often hugs me for a while, and sometimes even strokes my hair. I always tell him that is heart beats so fast, he says “It’s because I have such a high metabolism mom”….but I think it’s because there is a ridiculous amount of love rushing through that heart of his, every second of everyday, and it is just always struggling to keep up….
Happy 16th birthday Michael, Hope it is the best one yet,
I certainly love you, way more than I love me, and it is so easy!
Mommy
While I understand your heart behind this post, it would be a terrible thing for your grief to be compounded if this story was taken out of context by mean-spirited media. It is naïve to think that you won’t soon see a headline that heaps accusations of abuse and blame on your family from people eager to attack “crazy Christians.” I recommend sharing this story only with people who really know you and who you can trust.
I never got to know any of Michaels family other than Tyler who I had a biology class with my freshman year. When I first met Mike at school (Lindenwood), I thought to myself “man, I have never seen one guy care about a complete stranger as much as he does”, I thought this to myself because the first time I met Mike I was in the library studying at the circle tables in the computer lab and was very stressed out. My father had just called me telling me my grandfather was back in the hospital and this time it didn’t look good for him. With tears in my eyes and my face beat red, this random guy just came up to my table asking if he could borrow the extra chair. I nodded yes and kept my head down when I then realized the chair hadn’t moved and Mike was sitting in it. I looked around, there were four empty tables. I though to myself “There’s four empty tables and this kid wants to sit with me? Someone he doesn’t even know?”. He then introduced himself and didn’t spend anytime beating around the bush. He looked at me and said “You know, it takes a lot more energy to frown than it does to smile right? And that a pretty girl like you should have no room to cry”. As I tried to brush it off I told him I was fine and just focusing hard on my exam next class. I didn’t have an exam, nor did I even have another class that day. Michael somehow knew that and called my bluff. From there our friendship immediately started to develop. Unfortunately, that friendship was short lived…..but on the other hand, will never be forgotten. Michael somehow took the pain and stress right from my life on that day at the table. After reading this blog, it is evident where this ability to care came from. His smile radiated through out the room, it infected me and soon I caught myself smiling. Michael taught me that day that it is easier to pick yourself up and be strong but also lean on a friend for support. Those being almost his exact words, I cannot help but think to myself “Everyone needs a friend to lean on Mike, even you, one of the most lively souls I’ve ever met. You were there for me when you didn’t even know me, I wish you would have let me be there for you” It was only a couple weeks after our friendship had begun. I will never forget the instant happiness Mike made me feel much more relaxed when I saw someone had sat down with me with the smile he had on his face. I hope Mikes parents and siblings know how truly blessed they were to have the time with Mike that they did, some of us would do anything to learn the mystery of what was going on with our new friend who made life seem so easy. I was confused, angry, upset…I couldn’t wrap my head around the terrible news I received at 1am. Needless to say, Mike made an everlasting impact on my life and I will always carry the part of him with me that I did know. He truly was a man of God, he was sweet caring passionate and free willed, I will always remember him as one of the most lively people I have ever met.
wow – that is the neatest story – so powerful! happy birthday michael! so glad you’re in the tribe.:)
Happy Birthday Mike. Love you bud!
LOVE IS ALWAYS THE KEY! HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY MICHAEL!
WE LOVE YOU MUCH!
Ms. Patti
Sorry Michael that I missed your birthday yesterday. We were on the road to Kimberley to minister at our home congregation and had no connection. Trust you had a wonderful time with family and friends! Bless you young man!
Kathy & Colin
What a joy to have a young man like Michael in your family. You have raised him well. He’s going to make a great impact for the kingdom.
You brought some tears to my own eyes. You are such a good Mom. Much love.
You all are so the Brady Bunch- you just need Alice. Happy (late) Birthday Michael! You are an amazing man of God, the world needs more men like you.
What AWESOME story. I so love reading your blogs. You are a wonderful woman.
Wow, some how I missed that story. Beautiful, and Lisa I love you even more for it. However, as I read it I knew Gary was the one who would take the punishment, and really think he should have. I love you all…….Mom
I was remembering this blog today and re-read it. I love you Lisa…
Awesome, beautiful story! I remember how beautiful it was to see your families blending together with love. I even remember you telling me how much you loved Gary’s kids way before you were married and knowing this HAD to be of God, because you didn’t particularly like other people’s kids! Haha! I remember thinking… Oh boy does she have quite the ride ahead of her! Since I had known Tyler since he was 2 and Mikey and and Caleb since they were born! Your families were meant to be together and you were a beautiful example to Michael as a mother and replaced what he so desperately needed growing up. Love you Lisa!
Just read the post ahead of mine. Yes this has got to be a New Life way of discipline. They are strange over there. This is insane to think this was ok, and to write about it and post it is distrubing.
You ladies clearly don’t know Lisa and Gary and are so out of touch with what is going on in their lives right now (or if you do know them and their current circumstances — your cruelty is shocking). They are the most wonderful parents to not only their own children but many others, and the world needs more parents like them. Please stop posting comments here and keep your judgment and criticism to yourselves.
I do not know any of you who have posted on this thread. I stumbled upon this blog and am so saddened to see such disrespect and cruelty (my perception) to the author. May we always remember (please!) to treat one another with courtesy and love, as well as mutual respect. Reasonable people may disagree, but many of these responses seem so beyond that and quite unkind. The world can be a very vicious place, but those of us who call ourselves believers should engage in dialogue differently, shouldn’t we? I thought the very personal account of how the Blacks dealt with their son was a beautiful and transparent lesson in sacrificial love. I did not view it in the negative ways some others did – but even if I had, I wouldn’t have posted such unkind words which seemed to go well beyond a different viewpoint. Lord help us remember to be representatives of Jesus to all with whom we interact. My prayers continue for the Blacks.
why are some of our questions getting ignored. Why or how is this type of punishment ok? I would never beat my husband for something my kids did, and heck no would he come close to touching me for what he did. I think that is all we want to know. We don’t need to be lecturured on how mean our post is. She put it out
there for all to read, it’s shocking to the normal american woman to think this behavior is excepable.
I think you must have misunderstood the post OR you might be seeing it from a veil of past abuse? The author, Lisa, was not implying that abuse is okay, but rather went with what she felt the Lord asking her to do: to display the same grace Jesus showed us by taking the cross for our sins. Lisa did that for her son. What a beautiful display of the Father’s love put into a context he could understand! And look at the fruit- this one act brought them closer together and brought Michael closer to Jesus.
I realize this might have upset you, but also remember that it wasn’t for you. It was a moment between mother and son that Lisa was brave and vulnerable enough to share. I also realize that you can respond anyway you want, but try to remember that you’re attacking a grieving mother. People look at the outside, but God knows the heart.
Taking a punishment for your son is one thing. Watching your father hit your mother with a belt is another. Sometimes little minds get confused. The law doesn’t allow a father or mother to go to jail for the crime of their offspring. What Jesus did for us was through the power of the almighty father, his father. BIG difference. We need watch what we do and write so not to stumble others. This sounds like a nut way to get a point across. But if this family is happy and the out come worked so be it, but in the adverage family in the USA this is not acceptable behavior. I hope this family is happy like I said and has no regrets.
YES!
this is absolutely beautiful. It shows a momma’s love that she would lay down her life for her own son, like Jesus. still keeping you all in our prayers!