Laying it down…again
Several years ago I was working as a counselor, at a center that I loved. My supervisor approached me about revamping one of our programs, and made me the project manager, along with a ‘wink, wink’ from her that said, “This will likely be a promotion to run this program as well.” I worked tirelessly, every spare moment I invested into this project, it was truly a labor of love. They accepted all my ideas, thanked me for all my hard work, took my proposal to start implementing it immediately…Perfect! Except for one thing, the board decided to put this program under a different department that they thought was a better fit….not mine. As I opened my mouth the words “But that is MY program” came out, at the same moment I felt as if I had been picked up off the ground and slammed down on my butt. A nearly audible voice said “Excuse me Lisa-Marie, whose program is that???” It was the voice of God, a verbal spanking, reminding me that all the inspiration, the ideas, and the favor came from HIM, and it was His not mine.
Almost ten years later, I like to believe I have learned that lesson, and in many ways I have matured a great deal in this area. I really don’t care about recognition, I really just want the Lords Kingdom to come….but this week I am struggling with a bit of pain, and it is not just from the incisions due to surgery.
could not wait to show our participants, my people, my friends, and my community. I couldn’t wait to hold a two day workshop with the Go-Gos and the teachers, wash their feet, minister to them, bless them and feed them a special meal in their honor. I knew exactly what I was to teach on to encourage them and have had my notes ready, once again, for months. I was most excited that after a year of battles and set backs we would finally use the “I AM” boxes as a form of therapy and healing for the emotionally and spiritually wounded of the community. I had started these projects, and now I would get to see them come to fruition…It was not to be. My health had decided I would instead have major surgery, and be on pain meds and bed rest, not traveling, teaching or ministering, not doing what I had planned.
A call from the field made it abundantly clear that Gary, Pastor Gift, Seth and Karen were more than capable of making this vision trip a raging success. They are moving, building, ministering, and working hard. Things are happening, and all of it is very good. It turns out I had little to do with the success of this trip, it is all HIM. These are HIS people, HIS orphans, HIS widows…these are HIS children. He will accomplish what needs to be accomplished for His Kingdom to advance, He does not actually need us, and He just loves us enough to bless us by including us in HIS glory…pretty cool when you think of this that way, really…
Gary always says, “It is as it is supposed to be” and I do believe he is right, yet again.
This past week I have my precious friends bringing dinners, and I have had time to catch up with people I love, 
and laugh until I think my stitches will pop. My children are treating me like a queen, caring for me, checking on me, and serving me. My husband is desperately missing me, which can only be good! Kisses on my forehead from my sons, and snuggling with my daughters watching a chick-flick. Noah even sleeps on his dads side of the bed to “Batect” his mommy. I have had a house full of teen agers until late into the night which has been my favoriate form of entertainment, and in turn I have gotten to know my children’s’ friends at a deeper level. I have had time to write, and time to read. I am missing my friends in Africa, but have loved every moment of this recovery with my kids, my parents and my friends, (okay not every minute, pain is well, PAIN!) Tomorrow is Tyler’s birthday, and we will be celebrating all weekend long, I am glad I am here for that, and so is he. Once again, I am glad I am not in control, I would just mess things up anyway!
I love you Lisa. Thank you for your honesty! I think I just got spanked too! Talk to you later.
I stand beside many here and in that village in Nsoko and that thank God daily for YOU! It is His plan and His village and His people but He choose YOU and equipped YOU to make it happen! Overwhelming LOVE is the strongest emotion and it is the emotion that springs forth when I think of you! Happy birthday week Tyler!…………….Tami
Ah, the age old battle of the flesh. We are always wanting glory that is not ours. I know something of this struggle. As of late, God has been stripping away from me the very things that I thought He was leading me to. Just the other day, I finally realized that I was still seeking status, trying to find my worth in what I do instead of who I am. I wonder when that part of my flesh will finally die.
One good thing to take away from this Lisa is that you did what the Lord put in your heart to do, even if you weren’t the one to finish it. So many times we get a word from the Lord, or and idea or plan, and we just sit on it until something else distracts us and we forget all about it. If you are faithful with the little things I give you, I will give you even greater things, is what Jesus said. Sometimes we are so busy looking for the greater things that we ignore the little things and end up with neither.
Enjoy the fruits of your labor. Even the gardener can’t make the flowers bloom; he just plants the seeds and waters them and then sits back and enjoys the display.
I was praying for you yesterday at my fitness center…you often come to mind there yesterday because of the post you wrote about all the excercise you did that time after that encounter with that man and little boy in Manzini. ANYWAY…one of the things I was praying was that God would minister to you this week as Gary and the others were gone and that you’d actually be able to see good reasons for being at home.
Sounds like you’re having the victory, Lisa, despite the detour.
Continuing to pray for you and your’s,
Elysa Mac
AMEN! He always seems to do it better when we let Him do it His way. Thank you for your faithfulness in following wherever God leads Lisa-even when we don’t understand at first.
Praying for you and love you!
Hello Lisa,
I feel like I know you. I am a close friend of Linda Sickinger’s and she has lovingly forwarded your blogs to me. This one calls to me for followup as at age 45 I had my “hysterical” surgery. No joke!
Having miscarried all of my pregnancies made this a poignant time of feeling separated from myself-forever. That feeling did not last, however. Let me encourage you that when all of the physical healing is complete, you will feel like a new woman. My guess is that you have lived with the discomfort of your condition for so long you may not remember what it is like to have energy to complete what you start and the genuine sense of wonder at now having tasks equal to your strength!
May God continue to pour out His innumerable blessings on you and your families-immediate and extended! I look forward to the day when we finally get to meet.
hard lessons to learn…i miss and love you and can’t wait to see you guys next week!
Hi Lisa-
The love that the people of Nsoko have for you was SO very evident throughout the week we spent with them. Clearly they value your friendship and they listened eagerly for updates as to how the Lord was answering their prayers for you.
Your lesson here is a lesson for all of us! Thanks for sharing. God is good and uses it ALL.
Blessings to you and your family!
-Debi
Lisa,
It was a privilege for me to be a part of the vision trip to Swaziland. That God allowed me to be a small part of His work there is overwhelming to me. I wept as we made “I AM” boxes with the children and prayed over them. The people of Nsoko love you and your family SO much, that was so evident. You are missed greatly, loved immensely, prayed for faithfully. Thank you for your servant’s heart…for your mother’s heart. I hope I have a chance to meet you someday.
Till Soon,
patti