Where are all the Daddy’s??

It’s a girl!  Zandie, who I blogged about last month has given birth to a perfect, healthy baby girl.  We were not expecting this baby to come for six weeks or so.  She is full term after all, and very small.  So small in fact her mother named her “Tiny” that is not a nickname; that is what is on her birth certificate! When I got to the government hospital I was confronted with the horrors of sickness, disease and poverty, accompanied by all the smells and other charms that go with it.  I walked all through the labor and delivery wards for an hour. No sign of Zandie anywhere.  What I did find were naked women, laboring…..completely alone.  Some walked the halls, some sat on beds, and one poor soul laid half in the bathroom and halfway in the hallway, miserable and ignored.  In consistent “African” fashion, they release the patients just prior to noon; and then send them to wait in a room to be called one at a time to pay their bill.  However, they all then close their offices, and go to lunch. Brilliant system, don’t ya think! 

So there we sat with some sixty other new mothers, and their babies, in the heat….for hours.  Some of these women had just given birth the day before, some delivered their first babies, some their sixth or seventh.  Some were teenagers, some were older.  Some had friends or sisters, or mothers with them, some had only their babies.  But not one of them had a man with them.  Not one man, not a brother, a son, and most disturbing, not one father….NOT ONE….All I could think the whole time I sat there holding this new life was,where are the fathers.?  How many of them even know their babies came today, how many care? How many of these children will know their daddies, and how many will be provided for and taken care of?  The depth of the lack of men hit me hard, not just for the children, but for the women as well.  I couldn’t help but reflect on my own birth experiences, they were hard enough with modern medicine in the US with the father of my baby loving and supporting me all the way.  I can not imagine anything worse than bringing a child into the world…alone.  Yet these women almost expect it.  They watched their mothers, aunts, sisters and friends do it everyday. 

As we drove Zandie up the mountain to her mothers’ house I saw a look in her eyes I have not seen before, I think she was in shock.  I think the promises made to her by the baby’s father have proved to be a lie.  Her pregnancy is now a living breathing human being that she is solely responsible for, and she is alone.  Tiny is a miracle and a gift, just like all babies are, and I am quite smitten with her.  As I hugged Zandie and kissed her baby goodbye, it did not feel like a celebration, like when I brought my babies home.  It felt heavy, and sad.  I have not been able to shake the heaviness, this is just one story, this country is filled with thousands just like it.