what unforgiveness looks like Part 4

 

Suddenly, I saw the faces of people I knew that were stuck in un-forgiveness, hate, bitterness or resentment.  They all looked older than they should have; their health and their relationships were not good.  I wondered how people get that way, and I knew I didn’t want that for my own life…

  All these people had started with a hurt or pain that was very real, but instead of letting God heal it, they had fed it. It starts by spending way too much time rehearsing the pain of the past. I believe the cost for un-forgiveness is much higher than we think.  I now have a picture of what un-forgiveness, bitterness, and resentment would look like if it took on human form. 

 

 I think it is like a best-girl friend at first, you know the kind.   You meet and instantly your hearts connect, you have found a true sister.  She hangs on your every word; she gives you lots of time and attention.  You start to spend more and more time with her, you bring her into your home, she starts to hang out with your family, all the time.  This friend is special, she GETS you, she gets your life, she lets you vent and tell how you really feel and she never judges you…she just lets you talk.  Soon that talking turns to complaining, then gossip, then out right cursing, she eggs you on so you will “feel better”, she encourages you to be real with your feelings,” it is your right to feel that way” she tells you…and so you tell the story again, about the pain, the disappointment, the heartache…and most importantly the people responsible.  After this friend has been around for a while, your husband and your children start to dislike your best girlfriend (un-forgiveness) and tell you they don’t like the way you act when she is around.  “You don’t understand”, you snap at them, “you have no idea what I have been through.”  In a sensitive moment of concern for those you love most, you tell your best girl-friend, “maybe my family is right, maybe we spent to much time together, maybe I should move on”…this terrifies your friend and she grabs your shoulder and speaks firmly into your face.  “Tell me again what that person did to you, and what that woman said to you, tell me what that felt like when they lied to you, remember how that felt when they did that to your family….they are evil, YOU are the victim here, tell me again”…she draws you in and before you know it you are angrier and more depressed before. I am not sure how this friend is able to do this, but when you start to realize this relationship is unhealthy, she brings you new evidence to confirm your old pain. She is desperate to keep you, she will fight with everything she has, and she does not fight fair.

 

 This cycle continues for days, months or years, it is really all up to us.  The longer we allow this “friend” access to our lives, the more territory they take over.  Before we even realize what is happening our relationships are hurting, we strain to hear the voice of the Father, and remain confused at how clear His voice used to be, and now seems silent.  We drink our resentments and bitterness like a poison, hoping it will kill our enemy.  We can stay in this state until we die; missing the joy and LIFE God had planned for us.  I am afraid at the end of our life, most of our offenses will seem silly, and we will go into eternity with nothing but regret.  I often think of a quote my father has told me since I was a small child, “Lisa, do you want to beright, or do you want to be happy”….sleep on that one, more tomorrow…