just the truth

People keep asking me, “why have you not finished your book,” the truthful answer, because every time I finish a chapter, God tests me in what I have written….It is painful but true, I am frustrated, and thankful, I have often said,
“You can schedule me to speak, but know this, I will not speak, preach or teach on what I do not know”….a costly prayer,

Tonight I accompanied my husband and my dearest friends to a wedding.  To most it was a quaint affair, an orphaned Russian girl marrying her prince.  To me it was an all encompassing truth to my life message.  I can not sit at a wedding now as an almost 38 year old woman without picturing my own six children on their wedding day.  I picture my own two daughters although adopted by my husband, wondering what their biological daddy would be like on this day.  Their daddy is dancing with Jesus, their daddy that they will spend eternity with, their daddy that will love, respect and honor their now dad for all his sacrifice and hard work on their behalf.  I wonder what emotions will manifest.  I picture my three step-sons that I would die for; I picture their dilemma when it is time to dance with their mother.  I cringe at their pain, and look for a back door to sneak through.  I do not care what they do; I only wish to ease their suffering.  Tonight, I held one of my spiritual daughters who lost it during the “father, daughter dance” her own father abandoning her for a life of alcohol and lies… I could not ease her pain.

On the way back to our home, my husband pulled over the truck and let me sob black mascaraed tears all over my red velvet jacket.  Tears of lost daddies and mommies, some taken against their will and some willingly choosing to destroy their own offspring, hearts hardened, much like Pharoh.   I cried, I raged, I sobbed, and he listened.  I sit here still, sobbing at all the moms an dads that have a choice , and walk away, for pride, for addiction, for weakness…for what ever, you rob yourself, and your rob these kids…..I despise you, I pray for you, I forgive you and I fear for you….they are worth fighting for……………and you need to be man enough and woman enough to rise to the challenge, no matter what the cost, they are worth it…..this generation is worth fighting for, I do not have a tax Id number for that, I do not know how to raise money for that, I just know it is my heartbeat, it is what I was born for, it is the reason I married Gary Black and will serve him until I die, that is all I know……tomorrow my head will ache from the tears shed tonight, and I will be more determined than ever to fight for them, I will gladly face the pain, the criticism, even the rejection….but I will not abandon my call, I will not abandon them, regardless of race, or social standing I will fight for them, fight with me, or get the out of the way…orphaned, abandoned, ignored, or forgotten, American, or African, fatherless, and motherless, they are all holy….join the fight, or crawl back in your hole…..it is ALL about them, and it will cost you everything….show up or shut up…..come humble, or go away, I beg you, before you stand before Jesus and your time is up….fight for the children, fight for the vulnerable, fight for the widow….nothing else matters, I promise you, all else is fleeting, all else is distraction…do what is yours to do………Just the truth, according to the Bible, according to Jesus Christ.