Week long series…
In the last several months I have experienced deeper levels of deliverance I didn’t even know I needed. I have waited to post this, to see if it was going to stick. This is vulnerable to share, but I have the sense I am not the only one facing this battle… 
I have dropped the ball as a friend, a daughter, a sister, and as a wife, but my conviction over the life of my children is always been heightened…I am not saying I have not made mistakes, I am saying I am always hyper-aware of how my choices effect my children directly and indirectly. It was this conviction that made me ‘wake up” to the condition of my heart; I do not want my children to suffer needlessly because of my pride.
I have struggled with un-forgiveness towards a group of people for years now, and because these people attacked my children, I have justified my hatred. I KNOW hate is unacceptable, but every time I thought I had victory, I fell harder than ever. I tried everything, confessing to friends, I tried praying for the people, but I always started my prayer with what they needed to be forgiven for, (you know in case God was unaware of how evil they were and how righteous I was for praying for the filthy sinners.) Obviously, it was not a heart prayer, but a head prayer. I wanted them to pay for what they had done, and it seemed their life was going along just fine, I wanted justice for the crime they had committed, and it seemed they were cruising through life unscathed…While I had spent years in the fetal position shaking from their brutal attacks.
I was still in denial that this was influencing every part of my life, or that a nearly 3 week illness may be directly connected to the un-forgiveness in my heart. No one knows your heart like your spouse, your best friend. Gary has been patient with this journey with me, but a few months ago he tried a little tough love and said, “Take this to the Lord, only He can heal you” and he walked away, and left me alone with myself! Sometimes the best thing we can do for the people we love is make them deal with themselves, and direct them back to the Lord. I hated that he was right.
Again that night I hit my knees and ask the Lord to heal this broken part of me. Not that I had not prayed about this before, this time I wanted to be HEALED, no matter what. I opened my Bible and read a verse I had read thousands of times before, 
i love it, Lisa. you’re writing this, your best blog, with your life. It’s eloquent.
Lisa…your thoughts are amazing. I do not think any virtue is as difficult to master than that of a forgiving heart. It is a life long journey.
Here are some of my fav quotes…on forgiviness…
I am proud of you…I love your honest ways…
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“It is not the matter who will throw the first stone…but rather who will beginning building with it.”
Extravagant forgiveness frees the heart for extravagant and courageous lifegiving.
The apostle Paul underscore that the deepest need of the human heart is not for a change of circumstances or for human vindication…..but for divine forgiveness.
“Colossians 2:13 says
“When you were stuck in your old sin-dead life, you were incapable of responding to God. God brought you alive (through his forgiveness) ….Think of it!
All sins forgiven.”
Brent Curtis, a psychologist once said that we can never be healed emotionally or give life to others unless we look at our own sin and the other person’s pain. Usually we just look at our pain and the other person’s sin this drains our ability to give life
Lisa,
Your words and observations were a blessing today and brought hope and healing to me. “The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it.”
H. Norman Schwarzkopf
this is life changing for so many we all do it especially the ones that r really used by god like u because god knew u would do the right thing and help set so many others free free from our pain so many will be touched by this it is not by chance i read this today u r so beautiful and precious yes iam sooooooooo proud of u u hav truely lived with the realization of the scripture we fight not with flesh but spirits meant to destoy but what the enemy meant for evil GOD meant for good i to hav been so angry with alll th sorrow the enemy has dealt i understand your pain true freedom is yours now daughter go forth in the thing he has called u in nothing can seperat you from his luv not height nor depth nor powers nor principalities u r his behold it is a new day old things hav become new he has broken down every wall u stand on new ground u r his recieve it now total freedom