I realize now that during this revelation in my own heart, the Lord was really making me think about just what salvation means, and WHO Jesus actually died FOR... I realized I had made categories in my head of forgivable and unforgivable sins…

It was during this time that our World Racers were preparing to go to Thailand, and face in living color the horrors of child-trafficking and sex-slaves.  This is a subject that is so appalling, repulsive and horrifying to me, I struggle to deal with it rationally.  The thought of any child, woman or person being a slave in any form makes my blood boil.  The groups going need prayer cover, and I was compelled to cover them.  They were going to be facing some big demons and some deeply disturbing and emotional stuff.  Of course I understood the compassion of anyone toward the victims in this scenrio. 

I was not prepared for one of my precious spiritual daughters to come to me and ask me to pray for her.  This sweet angel proceeded to tell me how she was called to minister not only to the victims, but the predators.  I am ashamed to say, I think something came out of my mouth that sounded something like "them, why would you minister to THEM, they don't deserve prayer, they deserve HELL, hell was created for them, they have free will, they are choosing this."  I had decided who Jesus had died for; I had decided what sins were too hideous to be forgiven for.  I walked away from that little girl with her huge brown eyes and conviction hit me.  She may be younger than me and look to me as a teacher and mentor, but she far exceeded my maturity in this area. 

I repented to her the next day, and she was gracious.  It is not up to me to determine who is worthy of Grace, it is not up to me to determine the heart, mind and motives of another human.  I believe fully in protection the innocent, I think it irresponsible not to.  I believe in boundaries, I believe in do all you can do and then stand, I believe that co-dependency in not grace, but severely unhealthy to all involved.  The Father does not ask us to change other people, He asks us to change ourselves and trust him with the rest.  I was faced with the question then, which one of us is worthy of what Jesus did for us, which one of us watched the Passion of the Christ and could honestly answer, "He did that for them, if I was the only human, he would not have had to die"….

Forgiveness is NOT about handing out free tickets for future abuses; forgiveness is about freedom, for us…..